Via the World Wide Words newsletter is this piece on clichés written by Roger Whitehead as part of a style guide for British civil servants. I would have provided an excerpt with a link to the full piece via the mailing list’s archives, but I couldn’t find any archives. Nonetheless, I rather enjoyed this well-worded parody:
“Although part and parcel of the warp and weft of the language of the man on the Clapham omnibus, clichés should be conspicuous by their absence. As and when you get down to the wire, rolling out a whole raft of tattered and torn expressions that have seen better days is going to have all the impact of a wet weekend in Wigan. Another downside, one that goes without saying, is that if you deploy clichés like they’re going out of fashion, especially on an ongoing basis, the message in whatever you write will to all intents and purposes be rendered null and void. Also, you'll end up looking wet behind the ears and with a mountain to climb, possibly with egg on your face, having let a golden opportunity go by like ships in the night. You need trials and tribulations like these like a hole in the head.
“First and foremost, the bottom line is that the difference between good and bad writing has to be like chalk and cheese — it’s a whole new ballgame. Bear in mind, though, that the way you seamlessly set out your stall is not a question of rules and regulations, more of custom and practice. If you are to write like an angel, your purple prose has to be to die for. It has to be cutting edge enough to establish an abiding presence in the hearts and minds not just of the serried ranks of the powers that be, including the great and the good and the movers and shakers, but with all and sundry at the grass roots level. Reading it has to be a real defining moment for people of every rank and station, as though you were talking to them one-on-one even though they may be spread far and wide. It’s got to make them hot to trot and ready to rumble and, even as we speak, give them a compelling reason to change.
“Last but not least, the fact of the matter is that details count. No matter how finely honed your style may or may not be, you have to make certain beyond peradventure that your spelling is spot on, your punctuation squeaky clean and your grammar above reproach. To err is human but you still need to make as certain as day that your mistakes are few and far between.
There, that’s done and dusted: I rest my case.”